So, the stats showed me that someone found my blog by using the search term “drugged out poets”. I found this mildly amusing. I do have one poem titled “Drugged”. However, the inspiration for that did not really have much to do with illegal drugs. The term “drugged out” can be interpreted in various ways but to me it seems to refer to being on some sort of illegal drug.
I wrote the poem “Drugged” a long time ago. I was sick and on some cold medicine. It made me feel drugged but it was all over the counter medicine. I do not think its a particularly good poem.
I am often awake before dawn. Sometimes I am up several hours before the sun rises. This is largely due to the fact that I have insomnia and cannot sleep for very long. I take a pill that helps me sleep (not anything addictive, its for chronic insomnia). Typically I go to bed late and wake up early.
I have tried to live without being on any pills at all. The result was sleeping for a maximum of 2 hours a night. This went on for many months. I often would get incredibly tired at some random point during the day but would just sleep for an hour at most. It posed various problems. The tiredness I would feel would be overwhelming. There was one time it occurred while driving home. I stopped, got a caffeine drink. That didn’t help. At first I was on the freeway but soon felt that was way too dangerous. It was a hot day so stopping and sleeping in my car for a bit wasn’t really an option. Yes, it was dangerous. It was hard to keep my eyes open. I made it home fine, then slept for a short while.
At one point, I did experience hallucinations from lack of sleep. This is not uncommon.
I got tired of never sleeping and asked the doc for some sort of pill. One pill didn’t work at all and just made me feel more awake. Eventually got something that worked a bit.
History: as a baby, my mom reports that it was quite difficult to get me to sleep. Later, as a young kid, sleeping wasn’t a big issue and I slept a lot. Insomnia began in college.
I am seriously considering going back to school to get a degree in English. This may seem like not that great of an idea or maybe it is a good idea. I would start out at the local community college to save money. I already have some English classes done from a former degree. I don’t have that many though, just the first two that you take the first year. I hope I don’t have to retake them. I did take them a long time ago now.
I do intend to transfer to a four year college so I can get a BA in English. I do not know yet if I would want to do grad school.
Only problem is this could get expensive. Luckily community college is affordable. Maybe if I do the upper division classes slowly over time, it won’t be as hard financially. I don’t really want to go into more debt.
Around me, through me
Darkness in my head, in my body
I feel uneasy and alone
This feels like hell but how can I escape?
It washes over me in waves
Darkness all around, permeating the very essence of my being
Yes, lost in the darkness.
I guess I took a break from blogging. I’ll put a poem at the end of this post. Written by me of course. I am trying to write more poetry offline so I can publish it. I have no idea if I can but I’m going to try. Also, my poetry may not appeal to everyone.
dark, tall, ephemeral
cast from sunlight
I am but a shadow myself.
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